so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
