Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
