Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
