Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
