I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i think my cat just said my name.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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