I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
