i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
