Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
