Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
