i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
