She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
