It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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