would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I did not marry a roomba.
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