.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
