I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
