She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
