i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
