and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
