seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
