On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
