I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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