He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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