I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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