Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
