I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have tasted many bathrooms
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
