So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
