Is it because I queefed?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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