smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
