If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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