we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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