So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
