I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
