saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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