you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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