therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
