Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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