i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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