My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
