At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
