hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
