sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
