Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
