Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
