I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
