id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
