FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
