Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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