i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
