if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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