Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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