i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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