Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
