if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
