My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
