Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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