dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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