The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
