On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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