Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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