Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
