Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
