k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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