It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
