remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
