that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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