It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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