Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
