I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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