I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
