We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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