ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
