so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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