I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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