...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
