I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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