i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
