I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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