It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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