Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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